The Sun

Not sure how old I was when I first heard of the Winter Blues (can't remember if that's the right name for it.)

I do remember feeling more cuddly when it was cloudy. Growing up in Walla Walla our winters are foggy. Very foggy. Mid-late October truly was freaky because of all the fog.
I may have had the winter blues growing up but it was subtle. Growing up I had school everyday. Which meant chatting with friends, walking around campus, and you know not really worried about much.

Being a stay at home mom with a part time job, gives me about 10-12hours a week, I don't have as much to distract me as I used to. (another Topic)

If the sun is up when I wake up I'm happy. If it disappears I automatically start to feel lower.
I just keep dropping and dropping. I struggle to want to do anything other than sleep. Evelyn won't let me do that so I push myself to read, color, laugh, go outside, and play with her. The last thing I want is to neglect her. She is my little sun when it's gone. Unfortunately sometimes she's not enough to keep me.
I honestly don't even notice myself dropping until I hit a point. "what? what's different all of the sudden?"
Sometimes it takes me a bit to realize. "oh the sun is gone. huh hahaha Wow" I really think its crazy how something so small can drastically affect me.

We'll be sitting in the den reading books dreary tired feelings of lifelessness seeping infecting me.

Joy! Bursts into me! Life! I wake up. Look at Evelyn, laugh.
She blinks. Where did that come from? She wonders.
I look around. Why is she confused? Why are my emotions all over the place?
Sometimes I don't figure it out. But sometimes (like today) I notice.

Rays of golden sunshine are warming the den floor, my whole body, and my soul.
Not only does the sun bring life to plants and do wonders to Mother Earth, but for me too.

The sun. So glorious. I wish I could harness it inside me.
I wish I was a battery that could make it last forever! To never feel lifeless without it.
I drain way to fast when it leaves.

William had a hard time with us moving away from Overton because of his worry. Overton is a desert town. Hot hot summers but the sun hardly leaves, and when it does its usually not for a whole day.
My relationship with the sun was a big reason why we really wanted to stay there, even with the raise freeze. We went where we were supposed to. I'm happy where we're at. Just need to find a way for me to have my sun battery last longer.

I know this isn't a rare thing. I felt it was interesting and important to talk about all the same.