In November I had severe changes occur in my family unit I'm building. I made a fast decision, of which I'm really glad I did. I applied for a petition to BYU-I to medically waiver my last semester there, the one I quit on, flunked out on. I had tried to get help with one of the counselors they offer for free at the health center but it didn't work out. So they saw that they had grounds to grant me my petition. I then started the process of re-applying. It didn't take long for them to get back to me. I was accepted.
I made the commitment to finish my undergrad work with a Marriage and Family Studies major.
I know its not common to tell the world your on medication but none of this blog has been common.
At least not in my family or social dynamics. I will talk a little bit about it though because honestly there are a lot of brands out there for depression so saying I'm on one of them is vague enough for me.
I'm still not doing all the actions I should be as far as my weight goes. Ever since we lost our job I haven't been doing anything to combat it. I'm so focused on school, I'm not sure how to schedule my life to fit everything in yet. While doing stressful assignments I have started biting my nails again. Its hard to stop when you don't even notice your doing it until you realize your bleeding. Crazy I know.
Honestly I'm not sure if it's the meds or school or the fact that my marriage and home life is better than ever but I'm starting to feel like my inner self is growing back.
A great example of this is a flower I have planted outside in one of my pots. It looked like it was going to die but I planted it anyway. It kept struggling for a time. I kept watering and trimming it. I treated it as if it would bounce back and be strong. And it has. The old bottom part of it still looks dead but the new leaves are growing on top of those parts. This is a perfect comparison to the point I'm at in my life.
The dead parts of me are still there, still visible. I'm not completely strong yet. Not completely balanced in my life. I am, however, getting there. Because I'm keeping the light of Christ with me, the Holy Ghost with me.
I'm am just starting to grow and flower. Bright orange peddles of hope shine in the sun. These peddles are my grades, perspectives, and attitude towards life. I'm laughing and talking more. There are a number of people who might remember me and how much I used to laugh. Well, it seems these days Evelyn's always asking "What are you laughing about!?" (She says it clear as a bell too :D)
I'm excited to say that for the first time in my life I think I'll be able to get straight A's.
I was more focused on work in high school, and more focused on my recreational leadership trips when I was living in Rexburg.
I feel smarter and faster than ever before.
My goal is -again- to finish all of my schooling and get my
Marriage and Family Therapy PhD.
I never realized how great this field is. Family truly touches so much of us as individuals and society.
BYU-I teaches and constantly reminds us to learn, by and through Faith. When we learn through Faith we can truly gain more pure knowledge.
When I'm at Church now I keep my journal/notebook with me and I'm continually writing questions and notes down. I'm a student now. A student of all things.
Only those who have attended BYU-I (or maybe another Church (any church)) college and truly embraced properly all the blessings it has in store for it's students can really understand what I mean.
BYU-I is truly a Disciple Preparation Center. I am so blessed to have such a healthy thing to keep me busy and happy.
I hope that soon I can be off my meds and still do well in (and completely finish) school. I hope to become completely healthy in not only my spirit and personality but physically as well.
Thank You again to all who read. I appreciate your support and curiosity. Peace be with you.
Check out my school blog. Hopefully I can find time to fill it with the best notes from each semester.
joyinlearningbyui.blogspot.com
